Friday, August 15, 2008

Narc...

Yesterday was the first night of the Thursday night volleyball. I met a few new people that were quality players and had a blast. We played in a lite drizzle most of the time, which added to the fun haha. It was humid and the temperature was around 80, so perfect playing weather. I'm slowing developing better technique on my own and from the help of more experienced players. It would be awesome to join a league eventually.

So I got some good news a few days ago. A modeling agency I contacted about 2 weeks ago called me back. I decided on a whim to give it a shot because random people having been asking me if I model over the years, so why not. It turns out that they contacted me on accident because they thought I was a girl (I guess Jesse is a girls name too). Them being nice people, they went ahead and set up an appointment on Saturday to meet with a scout. I'm super nervous and am debating going. Eric says I have nothing to lose so why not try, so I might as well. Lets just say I'm cautiously optimistic about it.

I don't have anything else on my mind right now (at least anything I want to post on here). Hope to be more consistent about posting :)

Cheers!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Paradise...

I've been busting ass the past few days trying to meet the fall deadline for school. I'm going to have my High School and Las Positas College rush the transcripts to P.S.U. and hopefully they will get there by the beginning of next week. That would give me a few days to register for classes and pick up the essential materials for class, and of course pay for everything haha.

I've been reading a biography on Einstein lately and all I can say is WOW. I knew he was brilliant but had no idea to what extent. He was doing complex math at age ten, and I'm talking college level calculus. That's freaking' amazing! While reading this book, it has reignited the drive to go to school and really push to get it done. I really hope I can make the deadline for fall semester. 

On the emotional front, I am doing okay. Sean is still on my brain but the impact of every thought is slowly starting to fade. It's hurting less and less every day (even though some days are still really hard). 

We went camping this weekend and I was introduced to a couple of guys that play volleyball every Thursday. One of the guys gave me his contact information and invited me to join them Thursday night for some games. I'm so excited! This is a perfect way to meet people and be active, like I was with softball in San Jose. 

I've been on this classical music kick lately and probably downloaded close to 150 songs (and by downloaded, I mean purchased). Some soundtracks (Hero, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) and some of the more traditional stuff (Mozart, Bach, Beethoven). It helps to calm my mind and focus on problems. 

Monday, August 4, 2008

No White Flag...

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on.... 

Take Me To The Sun...

I've come to discover that I don't have any sense of forethought. I act impulsively without thinking of the future consequences/reactions. I think this has a lot to do with the ADD but maybe it doesn't. I'm going to do a bit of introspection in the next few days to figure it out. 

My weekend was pretty good. Eric and I went to this gay campground and sat out by the pool. I played a bunch of volleyball and met some really cool people. We partied friday and saturday night at this place. One night being an underwear party and the next a toga party. I'm starting to improve my pool skills, gaining more ball control and what not. I finished Watchmen and was surprised by the ending, was really unexpected.

Some people may not like to hear this but I'm still "mourning" over Sean and I. There are times I miss the shit out of him and other times I am strong and able to move on. Is this what trying to get over someone feels like? It sucks I can tell you that much. The other thing that's horrible about this is is that it's no fair to Eric. It's obviously impacting our relationship. I don't know what to do to be honest.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Thank you Ms. Winehouse...

Though I'm rather blind

Love is a fate resigned

Memories mar my mind

Love is a fate resigned


Over futile odds

And laughed at by the gods

And now the final frame

Love is a losing game...