Narc...

Yesterday was the first night of the Thursday night volleyball. I met a few new people that were quality players and had a blast. We played in a lite drizzle most of the time, which added to the fun haha. It was humid and the temperature was around 80, so perfect playing weather. I'm slowing developing better technique on my own and from the help of more experienced players. It would be awesome to join a league eventually.

So I got some good news a few days ago. A modeling agency I contacted about 2 weeks ago called me back. I decided on a whim to give it a shot because random people having been asking me if I model over the years, so why not. It turns out that they contacted me on accident because they thought I was a girl (I guess Jesse is a girls name too). Them being nice people, they went ahead and set up an appointment on Saturday to meet with a scout. I'm super nervous and am debating going. Eric says I have nothing to lose so why not try, so I might as well. Lets just say I'm cautiously optimistic about it.

I don't have anything else on my mind right now (at least anything I want to post on here). Hope to be more consistent about posting :)

Cheers!

Paradise...

I've been busting ass the past few days trying to meet the fall deadline for school. I'm going to have my High School and Las Positas College rush the transcripts to P.S.U. and hopefully they will get there by the beginning of next week. That would give me a few days to register for classes and pick up the essential materials for class, and of course pay for everything haha.

I've been reading a biography on Einstein lately and all I can say is WOW. I knew he was brilliant but had no idea to what extent. He was doing complex math at age ten, and I'm talking college level calculus. That's freaking' amazing! While reading this book, it has reignited the drive to go to school and really push to get it done. I really hope I can make the deadline for fall semester. 

On the emotional front, I am doing okay. Sean is still on my brain but the impact of every thought is slowly starting to fade. It's hurting less and less every day (even though some days are still really hard). 

We went camping this weekend and I was introduced to a couple of guys that play volleyball every Thursday. One of the guys gave me his contact information and invited me to join them Thursday night for some games. I'm so excited! This is a perfect way to meet people and be active, like I was with softball in San Jose. 

I've been on this classical music kick lately and probably downloaded close to 150 songs (and by downloaded, I mean purchased). Some soundtracks (Hero, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) and some of the more traditional stuff (Mozart, Bach, Beethoven). It helps to calm my mind and focus on problems. 

No White Flag...

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on.... 

Take Me To The Sun...

I've come to discover that I don't have any sense of forethought. I act impulsively without thinking of the future consequences/reactions. I think this has a lot to do with the ADD but maybe it doesn't. I'm going to do a bit of introspection in the next few days to figure it out. 

My weekend was pretty good. Eric and I went to this gay campground and sat out by the pool. I played a bunch of volleyball and met some really cool people. We partied friday and saturday night at this place. One night being an underwear party and the next a toga party. I'm starting to improve my pool skills, gaining more ball control and what not. I finished Watchmen and was surprised by the ending, was really unexpected.

Some people may not like to hear this but I'm still "mourning" over Sean and I. There are times I miss the shit out of him and other times I am strong and able to move on. Is this what trying to get over someone feels like? It sucks I can tell you that much. The other thing that's horrible about this is is that it's no fair to Eric. It's obviously impacting our relationship. I don't know what to do to be honest.

Thank you Ms. Winehouse...

Though I'm rather blind

Love is a fate resigned

Memories mar my mind

Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds

And laughed at by the gods

And now the final frame

Love is a losing game...

Clean Slate...

So this is my new blog to usher in my move across country. I debated a few weeks on whether I wanted to create another blog and decided to do so. Writing helps in the long run. 

I moved to Pennsylvania to pursue an incredible job opportunity and love interest. Within my first week here Eric and I went to Provincetown, MA for Bear Week. I met some really cool people, some I've been waiting to meet finally, and had a somewhat good time. During the events I felt like Eric and I were met with a lot of hostility. We would go to the pool parties and get dirty looks. I think it had to do with how attractive Eric is and all the jealous bears that want him but seem to understand why he's with me. We brushed it off and had a great time. As usual, I got a pretty bad sunburn and was uncomfortable the majority of the trip. It was a nice break from the usual scenery of everyday life.

In other news, I crashed my new bike. I was out riding yesterday and was in a wide, sweeping left curve when the opposing driver went wide in his lane. To avoid a head-on collision, I straighten the bike out and hit the shoulder/gravel. The front end washed out and I hit the pavement, along with my bike. My suit got a few more scuffs on it and the left side of my bike is scratched to hell. By the time I picked up the bike, which weight a lot laying flat, and started it the driver was gone. The left mirror snapped off and most of the plastic on the left side has scratches on it. I called the dealership and it's going to cost around 700-800 to order new ones. When I take it in for service tomorrow morning, I'll probably just order them then. 

Life is going okay. There are some things I need to address pretty quickly before they fester into something more serious. I miss California at times, to be honest. There are still residual feelings for Sean that I know will pass. I felt the same way about Kevin when I first moved out to Livermore when I was 19. I fear that this small town may be too small for me. Livermore was nice because it was still big enough to have things to do but was quieter than San Francisco.

I plan to post in this one as frequently as the last. To my surprise, a lot of people like to hear what's going on in my life so I can't let them down ;-).